Foot-washing; is it for Couple and Families? Should Men and Women Wash Each Other’s Feet?

On a somewhat recent Sabbath, my wife and I visited a church to worship. That particular Sabbath the church was celebrating communion, also called “The Lord’s Supper”, generally celebrated at least four times a year in Seventh Day Adventist Churches.  Following the pastor’s inspirational sermon, he announced the foot-washing service and the provisions available for couples/families that wanted to do foot-washing together. As we entered the fellowship hall, my wife and I were asked if we wanted to do “couple foot-washing”. We politely declined and were directed to another area of the hall. I had the privilege of serving/washing the feet of the pastor and was served by one of the church elders. As I washed the pastor’s feet, I casually asked him why he thought so many of our churches made provision for couple/family foot-washing when Sister White spoke against it. He replied that he was not aware of any statement of hers against it, and asked me for the reference. I sent him what I put together (below) and use to share with churches I have pastored. I though you might also find it helpful.

This is certainly not the first, and I doubt it will be the last time I encounter churches providing for couple/family foot-washing. But I sometimes wonder if that is because of lack of information or lack of care? I say that from my experience as a pastor. In some instances the information I put together (below) to share with church’s has been gladly/heartily embraced by the elders, leaders, and members. But sadly, that is not always the case. 

Should Communion foot-washing be available for Couples/Families?

While Communion/The Lord’s Supper foot-washing seems to be practiced less and less by some denominations, for those who do continue this Biblical teaching, it seems to becoming more common to allow couples and families to wash one another’s feet instead of limiting it to foot-washing of baptized members by gender.  But should Communion foot-washing be available for Couples/Families?

This is a question I have been asked from time-to-time by members. So I searched for some inspired direction/answers. That really is, and should be, what converted Christians desire to know and follow – God’s will and not our own.

I would also add this: As with all truth, and especially truth that is not commonly know or practiced, I think the counsel in the appendix (cited below) regarding the early Adventist church is especially important: 

(they) “EAGERLY REACHED OUT TO FOLLOW THE WORD OF GOD IN EVERY PARTICULAR, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME THEY WERE CAREFUL TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AGAINST DISTORTED INTERPRETATIONS OF THE WORD AND ANY EXTREMES OR FANATICISM”

As we search the pages of Scripture we find that Mary washed Jesus’ feet.

In Matthew 26:2,7-13, we find Jesus telling his disciples that He will be crucified in a few days; and then He dines at the house of Simon, whom he had cured of leprosy. While there “a woman” anoints Jesus with a precious perfume. The disciples are incensed (no pun intended), not because she was a woman but because they perceived this action as a waste of money that could have been put to better use to help the poor. Jesus gently rebuked them, and upheld up what she did, in anointing Him for His soon to come burial, saying the retelling of her actions would be a memorial to her.

The same story, as recorded in Mark 14:3,6,8, is very similar to that in Matthew. Mark records Jesus saying, “She has come beforehand to anoint me for burial”

Dr. Luke records the same story in Luke 7:37,38,44-50, but Luke mentions Jesus’ feet, whereas Matthew and Mark mention Jesus’ head.  Here, she is identified as “a woman … who was a sinner”. That a woman washed Jesus’ feet does not appear as the issue here either, rather it is because she is a sinful woman. Notice especially Simon’s words or thoughts to himself in vs 39. Jesus gently rebuked Simon for his own lack of hospitality in not providing that Jesus’ feet be washed – a common courtesy at the time – by telling a story and asking a question that taught the importance of how love is the response of forgiveness being understood and appreciated.

It is in the account of John 12:3,7  we learn this “sinful woman” was Mary.  This account is similar to that of Luke mentioned that she washed Jesus’ feet.

In each gospel account the negative reaction is not because she is a woman, but because 1) she is a sinner and 2) this was a wasteful use of money/resources; fortunately, Jesus didn’t see it that way!

There is another Scriptural example, Paul cites it as a virtuous action: widows who wash the Saint’s feet:   1 Timothy 5:9   “Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man,  ¹⁰ Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work. ¹¹ But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry;  ¹² Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. “

A quick summary: Jesus said He left us an example when He washed the feet of the disciples. Foot-washing was a common act of hospitality at that time.  While these examples cite women washing the feet of Jesus, and the saints, we are not given any example of men washing women’s feet. It would also be important to consider the appropriateness in specific situations of a woman washing the feet of a man to avoid temptation or even the appearance of evil.

We do have additional inspired counsel that can, and should, add to our understanding:

“There is no example given in the Word for brethren to wash sisters’ feet; [SEE APPENDIX.] but there is an example for sisters to wash the feet of brethren. Mary washed the feet of Jesus with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head. (See also 1 Timothy 5:10.) I saw that the Lord had moved upon sisters to wash the feet of brethren and that it was according to gospel order. All should move understandingly and not make the washing of feet a tedious ceremony.”  {EW 117.1}

APPENDIX   PAGES 116 AND 117: THE LORD’S SUPPER; WOMEN WASHING MEN’S FEET, AND THE HOLY KISS.–THE PIONEERS OF THE SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST CHURCH, HAVING ACCEPTED THE SABBATH TRUTH, EAGERLY REACHED OUT TO FOLLOW THE WORD OF GOD IN EVERY PARTICULAR, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME THEY WERE CAREFUL TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AGAINST DISTORTED INTERPRETATIONS OF THE WORD AND ANY EXTREMES OR FANATICISM. THEY SAW CLEARLY THE PRIVILEGES AND THE OBLIGATIONS OF THE LORD’S SUPPER ESTABLISHED FOR THE CHURCH BY OUR LORD. THERE WAS SOME QUESTION ABOUT FOOT WASHING AND THE HOLY KISS. IN THIS VISION THE LORD MADE CLEAR CERTAIN DELICATE POINTS THAT WOULD GUIDE AND GUARD THE EMERGING CHURCH.  {EW 302.1}

 “AS TO THE MATTER OF THE FREQUENCY WITH WHICH THE ORDINANCES SHOULD BE OBSERVED, SOME INSISTED ON ONCE A YEAR; BUT THE INSTRUCTION WAS GIVEN THAT THE LORD’S SUPPER SHOULD BE MORE FREQUENTLY PRACTICED. TODAY THE CHURCH FOLLOWS THE PLAN OF OBSERVING THE ORDINANCES FOUR TIMES ANNUALLY.”  {EW 302.2}

 “COUNSEL WAS GIVEN CONCERNING THE WASHING OF FEET. APPARENTLY THERE WERE SOME DIFFERENCES OF OPINION AS TO THE PROCEDURE TO BE FOLLOWED. SOME HAD MOVED INJUDICIOUSLY AND THE RESULT HAD BEEN “CONFUSION.” COUNSEL WAS GIVEN THAT THIS ORDINANCE SHOULD BE PERFORMED WITH CARE AND RESERVE, IN SUCH A WAY AS NOT TO AROUSE PREJUDICE. THERE WAS SOME QUESTION ABOUT THE PROPRIETY OF MEN AND WOMEN WASHING ONE ANOTHER’S FEET. ON THIS POINT ELLEN WHITE BROUGHT FORTH SCRIPTURE EVIDENCE WHICH INDICATED THAT IT WOULD BE PROPER FOR A WOMAN–APPARENTLY UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS–TO WASH THE FEET OF A MAN, BUT SHE COUNSELED AGAINST A MAN WASHING THE FEET OF A WOMAN.”  {EW 302.3}